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Joke of the Day

"At my funeral, I want them to play ""Thriller"" and have someone that looks like me climb out of a casket, dancing. (wins at death)"

"Girl are you a dishwasher? Because I would like to fill you with my dirty load in the evening, turn you on, and fall asleep before you finish"

"Used to have no life. Now I have a laptop and Facebook!"

"A cop was outside my house talking to some people and my first thought was ""yesss"" because I'm nosey."

"How often do I make a chemistry joke? Periodically."

"How can you tell if a Finnish guy likes you? He's staring at your shoes instead of his own."

"I am sad I can no longer get Arnold Palmer's at restaurants anymore But it looks like I can get an Arnold Embalmer now."

"Today is National Girlfriend's Day. But it will never be National Marriage Day. The calendar's just not ready for that kind of commitment."

"Lighten up your drive-thru experience by saying ""I just need two buns"" into the speaker then pulling up with a live cow in your backseat."

"Girl, did you take a massage therapy course at a community college with questionable credentials? Because you're rubbing me the wrong way."