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Joke of the Day

"My Jewish friend was having trouble with his homework..... I guess he needed more concentration."

"Just beat my record for most consecutive days without dying."

"What do you call a Hispanic midget? Paragraph. Because he's not even a full ese."

"I just bought a new Thesaurus... it's quite good, but to be honest it's nothing to write residence about"

"What did the egg say to the boiling water? It's gonna take me a little while to get hard, I just got laid by this chick."

"When i used to work for walgreens and the security system would go off the employees would say ""run!"" I guess it was the running joke."

"How did I get out of Afghanistan? Iran."

"[drops capsule in woman's drink] Maybe when that's finished, we can get out of here? [green sponge dinosaur grows out of glass] Ready to go?"

"Woman: Ever since my mom passed, I think she's watching over me Mom's Ghost: Yeah, that is the kind of stupid thing you'd believe"

"Why has /r/jokes won an environmental award? Everything gets recycled."