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Joke of the Day

"Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 20 seconds."

"i'm undressing you with my ey... oh god, no no no i'm redressing you."

"Documentaries not only expand my world views, but also compel me to change my behavior for a solid 24-36 hours."

"ME: *taking their hand* It's okay. We all struggle with connecting. RABBID RACCOON: *hissing & desperately trying to wrench its hand free*"

"I always wear black. That way I'm ready, at any given moment, for an impromptu night out or your funeral, whatever."

"Why does Reddit hate Fencing? Ripostes"

"Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the television."

"Everybody's got something to hide except me and my monkey. Which is why I'm not allowed within 100 yards of a playground."

"I've fallen in love with a pencil and we're getting married. I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B."

"I asked my professor how long my paper should be. He said it should be like a woman's skirt... Long enough to cover the subject but short enough to be interesting."