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Joke of the Day
"Why do wallets make so much noise? Because money talks."
Next Joke
"Some days, I wish I had a button to restore myself to my original factory settings"
"Bad news: I burned my finger on the toaster. Good news: 1 down, 9 stupid incriminating fingerprints to go."
"The Vatican has dispelled rumors that the Pope is resigning because he's a pedophile. They claim he just got a little behind at work."
"Grocery stores nowadays have amazing selection We have powdered milk, powdered orange juice, powdered eggs, baby powder..."
"Don't go over-analyzing my statuses. If I made sense all the time I wouldn't need to be here so much."
"Guys, if you want to make a girl moan, tremble, and scream: be a spider."
"My Dad died recently, but unfortunately I slept in and missed the funeral I guess I'm not a mourning person"
"New years eve one of the only days when it is socially acceptable to start drinking this early."
"yo mama so fat that when she puts on her yellow rain coat and walks down the street people shout out cab!"