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Joke of the Day

"Me- ""Sorry I can't"" Friend- ""Why not?"" M- ""Working on my book"" F- ""Neato! What about?"" M- ""It's a collection of ways to escape obligations"""

"I accidently swallowed some scrabble tiles My next dump could spell disaster"

"I told the barber, ""a little off the top."" So he gave me a circumcision."

"[last day at job] ""You've made my life a misery, I hate you all"" [remembers my car is in the garage and I need a lift] ""Not you tho Phil"""

"Forgot your password? Hint: your cat's name ~ a crazy cat lady's worst nightmare"

"Red head says to blonde - ""I feel so dirty.... ....I slept with a Brazilian!"". Blonde says - ""Oh, you little slut puppy, you! Hey - I forgot....how many is a Brazilian?"""

"Women hate to be stereotyped. .. They're all like that."

"I have a condition preventing my going on a successful diet. There's a medical term for it, but in plain language, it's hunger."

"That awkward moment... ...when the woman you're dancing behind bends over so you can grind it, then you realise she just lost an earring...and that no one else in Starbucks can hear your iPod."

"My smartphone is now all I need to organise events in my life My calendar's days are numbered."