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Joke of the Day

"I have a condition preventing my going on a successful diet. There's a medical term for it, but in plain language, it's hunger."

Next Joke
 
"Yoga? No thank you. I'll download an app to my phone so I don't have to stretch for the remote."
"I hate it when gross couples tell you they're trying for a baby and you have to picture them fucking for a second."
"I'm thinking of re-releasing my old tweets in 3D."
"What is the difference between a hormone and a enzyme ? You can't hear an enzyme."
"My girlfriend knows I love pinball, so she uses just 3 words to let me know when it's sexy time. ""Lock is lit"""
"Why did the Polish get selected to be in so many jokes back in the day?"
"""Always bring a nail file, scissors, tweezers, a corkscrew, a toothpick and a bottle opener to a knife fight."" -- The Swiss Army"
"[doctor gets job as 911 operator] ""What's your emergency?"" MY HOUSE IS ON FIRE ""Hmm ok let's wait a few weeks and see how it is then"""
"someone should create huge peanuts so elephants don't have to take so long to eat and therefore have more time to reflect on being awesome"