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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between an anal thermometer and an oral thermometer? The taste!"

"What do you do when Ronda says ""Not Tonight""? Kick her out of bed"

"I am much less afraid of jail when I'm drunk."

"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep."

"What is long, hard and leaves a warm, white, sticky substance in your mouth? Toothbrush."

"I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with my back. I'm not sure yet, but I have a hunch."

"Crocodiles; these prehistoric beasts can grow up to 20 feet! Although most just grow 4."

"Apparently they're making a porno opera based on the music of Muse They're calling it 'Supermassive Black Hole'"

"A good friend bails you out of jail, a best friend is sitting in the cell right next to you, a worst friend framed both of you for murder."

"4-year-old: ""Frozen"" is on TV! Me: We have it on DVD. And Blu-ray. And digital download. 4: Yeah, but this one is on right now."