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Joke of the Day

"A good friend bails you out of jail, a best friend is sitting in the cell right next to you, a worst friend framed both of you for murder."

"What's the similarity between a bad postman and an eviction notice There's nothing worse than the day they come in the mail"

"Why did Helen Keller masterbate with one hand? So she could moan with the other XD"

"Me: Can I buy you a drink? Girl: I don't drink. Me: Then can I just give you $7.50 to talk with me for a few minutes?"

"Where do safari animals buy their groceries? From the supermeerkat"

"Knock Knock Knock knock Who's there? Cows Cows who? Cows moo! They don't hoo!"

"The bible says you can't buy your way into heaven but there isn't a church in the country that won't encourage you to try."

"Sorry I asked ""why?"" when you told me your baby's name."

"""Oh sure, they can eat their own poop, no problem. They just CAN'T eat chocolate. It'll kill them."" - God inventing dogs."

"[loudly in front of a bunch of ducks] ""OH NO I SEEM TO HAVE BROUGHT TOO MUCH BREAD WITH ME WHATEVER SHALL I DO?"" *ducks try to play it cool*"