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Joke of the Day

"""Ok. Breathe. Retrace your steps. You went to the beach, carried that dude, stopped for Quizno's, got your hair cut..."" -God loses his keys"

"It's probably too soon for Ebola jokes on here... ...but when the time comes, I bet they're gonna be killer."

"I was driving down a street with a magician He turned into a driveway"

"Josh Gordon sold his first car the other day... (xpost r/nflcirclejerk) it was a beater he sold to Ray Rice."

"A man goes for his first prostate exam ""I am sorry doctor, but where can I leave my pants?"" ""Right there where I left mine"" - the doctor says"

"On the bus I was sitting on the bus and this super hot Thai girl gets on and sits next to me I think to myself ""Please don't get a boner, please don't get a boner, please don't get a boner"" She did."

"What Do the Joker and 60,000,000 people have in common? They just wanna watch the world burn"

"When is a door not a door? When it's a jar."

"Did you hear about the earthquake? There was a fault in Washington. It was Obama's!"

"What did the clock do after the good meal? He went back four seconds."