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Joke of the Day

"""Ok. Breathe. Retrace your steps. You went to the beach, carried that dude, stopped for Quizno's, got your hair cut..."" -God loses his keys"

"What did the pirate pirate say on his 80th birthday? ""I can't believe I'm still illegally downloading movies at this age!"""

"Read this in an email by the Electronic Frontier Foundation (EFF) - science joke ""This newsletter is printed from 100% recycled electrons."""

"How can you shorten a bed? Don't sleep long in it."

"Bill:""My homework is really difficult tonight I've to write an essay on an elephant.""? Bert:""Well for a start your going to need a big ladder.."""

"*Hits rock bottom. *Receives welcome basket from Twitter."

"Why are Jewish men circumcised? Because Jewish women won't touch anything that isn't 10% off"

"I'd like to thank the spider that descended from the bill of my baseball cap for getting me motivated today."

"What did the grape say when it got trodden on? Nothing, it just let out a little whine."

"What's the ultimate rejection? When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep."