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Joke of the Day

"Steve Buscemi is the only reported case of the saying ""If you keep making that face, it's going to get stuck that way"" being true."

"I've been friends with my recliner the longest. We go way back."

"this nation needs a monument dedicated to its teens. how about a giant middle finger carved out of a mountainside"

"What did the Wealth of Nations say to the Communist Manifesto to cheer it up? Some day you will be red!"

"What did the carpenter say to the girl he loved? Oh sweetheart, you are the eye of my maple...."

"What is the definition of masurbation? Coming unscrewed"

"""Nutella causes cancer"" says one scientist with his mouth covered in chocolate. ""Send your jars to me and I will dispose of them."""

"How do you catch a fish with peas? Drop some peas along the shore, and when a fish comes up to take a pea, you grab him."

"Did you hear about the Texas hipster whose bicycle was broken? He was fixin' to get his fixie fixed."

"What's a a magician's favorite kind of coffee? 100% abracadabra"