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Joke of the Day

"My kids are gonna be super disappointed when they find out sweet talk involves no exchange of tangible confectionary goods."

"Watching ""Wizard of Oz"". I'd forgotten how the neighbor wants to kill Toto and Auntie Em and Uncle Henry were fine with it. Family fun!"

"The comeback, 'Get on my level' 'Get on my level' Reply: 'Okay dude, ill go downwards'"

"Did you know I'm actually ambidextrous... I can actually write fuck all with both hands!"

"Freak people out in public restrooms by saying ""come in"" when they knock on the stall door."

"I typed ""Cigarettes"" in the search bar and it said ""No Matches"". The universe has spoken."

"What does violent diarrhoea and a bar fight have in common? Blood on your stool"

"I wanted to take up yoga. I contacted a yoga instructor and told him I wanted to be able to do the splits. He said ""what's your flexibility like?"" I said ""I can't do Tuesdays""."

"We started a band... We're called the 999 mega bytes. Haven't got a gig yet."

"Maybe if Red Bull gave me buffalo wings i'd give a shit."