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Joke of the Day

"[first date] *Ok don't let her know you're a vampire* ""Would you like a mint?"" *reaches in pocket, pulls out SPF 5,000,000,000* ""Dammit"""

"Why don't you buy Ukrainian underwear? Because cher-nob'll fall out"

"When girls ask if I'm good in bed, I tell them ""Of course, how hard is it to close your eyes and literally do nothing for 8 hours""."

"How do you know if someone is a vegetarian? Don't worry, they will let you know as soon as they can"

"How many verses did the Prophet Muhammad write? Allah-t. Thanks for listening."

"Jesus: Go forth. You are now fishers of men. Peter: *harpoons a guy* Jesus: Too literal, bro."

"I'm not comfortable with my sexuality... but luckily I have a discomfort fetish."

"I went shopping for the latest iPhone. Unfortunately, the Apple Store had sold out, so I didn't end up 6sful."

"Jaded Prostitute & considerate leper What did the leper say to the prostitute? Stop me if you've heard this one"

"NSFW What's the difference between sex and lunch? Depends on where you put the cucumber. Worked in a fruit and veg shop, guy stopped me packing cucumbers to tell me that."