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Joke of the Day

"Asterisks are awesome. *tosses a midget dressed in sexy maid outfit off the Eiffel Tower with parachute made of pancakes*"

"I don't care if Facebook says you've got friends. Don't believe everything you read"

"Hey girl Are you the new gorilla exhibit? Because I want to throw a baby in you."

"Thank goodness for wide, paved road shoulders that important people like me are entitled to use during traffic jams."

"What is the difference between a teacher and a train? Teacher says ""spit out that gum!"" But a train says ""choo! Choo!"""

"Newspapers are cool because you can cut out eye holes and spy on people. Try that with an iPad."

"What's a pirates favorite thing to knit? Scaaaaaarrves"

"Waiter there is a frog in my soup ! Don't worry sir there isn't enough there to drown him !"

"""I"" before ""E"" but only at participating locations"

"I enjoy quaint, old-fashioned customs like being nice to people."