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Joke of the Day

"Why is it so hard to order pizza from me? I'll update with the hilarious punchline later..."

"Gabriel ""Really? That's how you want humans to reproduce?"" God ""Trust me. It will be hilarious."""

"For Christmas, every year, I get my wife a pair of shoes and a vibrator. That way, if she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself."

"TIFU by reposting Just kidding. You fuckers love reposts."

"Altoids has begun marketing to the LGBT community. Their new mints are bi-curiously strong."

"Basketball players like their chicken like they like their basketballs In the bucket"

"Good news everyone. The cure for human stupidity has been invented in a convenient pill form. Unfortunately, Donald Trump refuses to take it."

"I'm a British real estate agent I only drink propertea."

"Why did Karl Marx always buy cheap tea? Because he believed that all proper tea was theft."

"Thanksgiving regret: no one at dinner wanted to talk about why the family members on TV's ""Dinosaurs"" were all different species of dinosaur"