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Joke of the Day

"The NYC smoking ban sucks. Thankfully you can still wear sunglasses indoors, otherwise it'd be impossible to tell who the cool people are."

"She's a cosmetologist, bro. Astronaut stuff."

"[date at rooftop bar] give me ur hand ""Is tha-are u wearing a squirrel tail?"" *rips off jacket to reveal flying squirrel suit* do u trust me"

"What do a gas pump nozzle and a penis have in common? No matter how much you shake them, they still leak a little bit when you try and put them away."

"I knew I'do have to close the podiatry clinic I had opened in Paris. I smelled defeat."

"Q. How are men like television commercials? A. You can't believe a word either one of them says and they both last about 30 seconds."

"Last year I felt miserable and depressed, but this year I've managed to turn it around. Now I feel depressed and miserable."

"NURSE: *bursts into break room* A man just came to the ER with a broken bone thru his skin! DR DOG: *looks at other Drs* I'll take this one"

"A woman recently got breast implants made from oak wood. It would be funny if this joke had a punchline, Wooden tit?"

"My favorite new song is either that one from the Samsung commercial, or the one from the Budweiser commercial."