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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between your mama and a washing machine? The washing machine doesn't follow me around for a week after I dump a load in it."

"Statistically, 9 out of 10 people... ...repost."

"USDA approves shipment of marijuana-fed cows' beef Analytical studies show that the steaks are high"

"Shia LaBeouf should never teach sex education He'd tell the kids to just do it."

"*consoling friend who is a baker* I'm really sorry about the fire at your bread shop. Looks like your business is toast now."

"Who took the spoopy from the spoopy jar? mr skeltal"

"Did you hear about the lesbian construction company? There are no studs, it's all tongue and groove . . ."

"The good news about falling down the stairs is that my Fitbit counted it as a mile walk."

"I thought girls liked guys who are assholes? The entire subway ride I refused my seat to like 20 women and not one gave me their number."

"Husband: I'll unload the dishwasher for you, honey. Me: No rush. 3 days later.......regrets saying no rush."