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Joke of the Day

"How do you know if a Russian vampire is gay? If Vladimir Putin it in the butt."

"I wish No More Tangles shampoo would work on Christmas lights."

"People say you can't compare apples to oranges... ... always seemed like a fruitful comparison to me though."

"I hate barbers more than doctors Because I have to live with the shit that one does."

"What is love? You just sang ""baby, don't hurt me."" In your mind didn't you?"

"Guess who just got laid! Not me. Probably someone, but not me."

"I just stopped by the Apple store to use the restroom. iPeed."

"If I were a bird, I'd spend my whole day pooping on BMWs."

"Happy 15th bday, Internet Explorer! We baked you a cake. What's that funny taste? Definitely not poison. Have another slice!"

"WIFE: Dave's here HUSBAND: Dave from work or Dave who always wears scarves? ME: [from downstairs] I got caught in the ceiling fan again!"