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Joke of the Day
"How is Harry Potter and Kermit the Frog's penis similar? They have Hogwarts"
Next Joke
"Dad owl: I'm dying so I need you to look after things. I'm going to give you- Son owl: Don't say it Dad: Power of a tawny Son: [turns head]"
"My three year old just looked up at me and clear as day said, ""I'm sick of this shit."" And all I could do was nod because he is so right."
"Do you know how many feminists it takes to change a light bulb? One, you asshole."
"Thank you for telling me the definition of ""many"". It means alot."
"""Sir you can't bring your dog onto the plane"" [labradoodle puts on tiny pilot hat] ""Omg captain I'm so sorry"""
"I heard someone talking about all the potential health benefits of doing yoga, but I think it's a bit of a stretch."
"There are two types of people in this world: Those who need closure (told by Cortana)"
"I was trying to recall what size shirt to get my friend the psychic, then I remembered.....medium, of course."
"If gyms paid pretty girls to just sit and clap in the weight section, I bet they could charge anything they want for a membership."