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Joke of the Day

"My three year old just looked up at me and clear as day said, ""I'm sick of this shit."" And all I could do was nod because he is so right."

"What would Bill Nye be called if he spoke to ghosts? Bill Nye the Seance guy."

"If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts."

"Yo mama so fat when God said ""Let there be light"" he he to ask her to move out of the way."

"A gun is like my penis.... On cold lonely nights sometimes I stick the end of it in my mouth"

"If there's one thing children have taught me it's how to count down from 5 while pretending there's a huge consequence if I ever reach zero."

"There's a new magazine for gay military members.It's mainly just photos of Privates."

"Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a case of beer? He's okay. It was light beer."

"Him:I'm not going to use this taxi company again. They nearly killed me this morning Me:don't be so hasty darling...give them another chance"

"I wanted to sue the airline because they damaged my luggage. I showed the badly damaged remains to my lawyer. He said ""You don't have much of a case."""