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Joke of the Day

"doctor: you know how to measure your bowel movements me: yeah of course doctor: you weigh yourself before and after me: [15 Sec pause] yeah"

"two year old comes up to me asking if I've seen a dummy, unaware that she's just set herself up for the most brutal slam of her little life."

"Baby your dirtier than my browsers history!"

"What do Jews drive? A hard bargain"

"Damn girl, are you a hoover? Cuz dam"

"Quick! Everyone on Facebook is at church! Let's go steal all their shit!"

"Two chemists are at a bar. One says, ""I'd like some water."" The other says ""I'd like some Hydrogen Peroxide."" The second one died. Of cancer, many years later."

"Me: But babe, my doctor said I can't have sex after giving birth. Babe: She's 11.."

"Twilight and Hostess are over. It's a sad day for fat girls."

"What kind of jean's do Mario prefer? Denim Denim Denim."