69171

Joke of the Day

"How do you make a cat go ""Woof!""? Soak it in petrol and put a match to it. (This is a joke, not and instruction, Reddit)"

"They don't make microwaves the size of refrigerators because they know if you were high you'd try nuking your friends."

"How do farmers count their cows? With a Cowculator!!"

"What do you call a blind german? A not see"

"So my neighbour... So my neighbour asks me if I've been stealing her clothes off of her washing line, I was so shocked I almost shat in her pants!"

"It's so beautiful outside. I should probably do something...Like close the blinds so there isn't a glare on my computer screen."

"if you can get a price tag onto a priceless jewel they have to sell it to you for that price, it's a simply trick that saves on heist work"

"What do you say to a guy with kidney stones? Urine trouble."

"CSI is like Scooby-Doo for old people."

"How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only two. One person holds the bulb and the other blonde twirls the other blonde around."