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Joke of the Day

"My little sister is bringing her black boyfriend to my grandparents' house for Thanksgiving so I'm bringing popcorn and a comfortable chair."

"What do you call black characters in Ferris Bueller's Day Off? Niggas in Ferris."

"*Shrek pre-production meeting* Producer: Do we have a name for the dragon yet Guy who named the donkey ""Donkey"": I was thinking Dragon sir"

"Conveniently, the sound from their early Saturday morning lawn mowers covers the noise of my sniper rifle."

"What do Paul Walker and Pink Flyod have in common? Their last hit was the wall"

"I drink a glass of red wine a day for health benefits. The other 7 glasses are just for me."

"Woman wearing sweatshirts I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it. So I said 'Implants?' She hit me."

"I was making breakfast, then ""She's a maniac"" came on the radio... Everything is a blur. Why am I so tired? Why am I in this steel factory?"

"Me: We broke up. Male Friend: You okay? You need to talk? Shoulder to cry on? You want to come over? Go to dinner? Sleep with me finally?"

"Are all females on twitter moms? Is my mom here? Mom? You there doin drunk tweets?"