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Joke of the Day

"[JanSport keynote address] (audience grumbling) ""where is he?"" *CEO emerges from backpack on stage* *crowd goes nuts*"

"To the people who don't like me... suck it. To the people that do like me... same thing. "

"Did you hear about the butcher who backed into the meat grinder? He got behind in his orders"

"[spelling bee] JUDGE: Your word is ""incorrect"" KID: I haven't spelled it yet JUDGE: No, that's your word KID: T-H-A-T-'-S JUDGE: No- KID: N-"

"So Mickey Mouse is in a lawyer's office. The lawyer says ""So you say you want to divorce your wife because she's crazy?"". Micky Mouse replies ""No, I said she's fucking Goofy!"""

"My parents didnt take me seriously when i came out It was because i couldn't keep a straight face"

"Why should you bring two Mormons with you when you go fishing? Because if you only bring one, he'll drink all your beer."

"The embarrassment when you wake up to find your panties hanging from a chandelier and think, how did I end up in a place with a chandelier?"

"Let the Trucker Sleep"

"I found an alternative to Pokemon GO. It's this new game called Grindr. I haven't tried it yet, but I hear its this thing where you go around, trying to capture bears."