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Joke of the Day

"Procedure for being unthanked for door holding: 1. Keep eyes fixed on culprit 2. Say you're welcome 3. Shake head 4. Mutter ""unbelievable"""

"I was glad when one fish got away. There just wasn't room in the boat for both of us!"

"Really, there's no need to ever take your kids anywhere fun because they can just sit and complain at home for a lot less money."

"There once was... There once was a woman with dementia and she"

"How do big yellow machinery fall asleep. they bulldoze"

"Why do people in Afghanistan air dry after they shower? Because of the towel ban"

"Technically everyone who's not a doctor is premed"

"Two clean jokes that start dirty. What's brown and sticky? A STICK! What's a foot long and slippery? A SLIPPER!"

"911: Your emergency? -Karen asked me a question. 911: Not an emergency. -She asked if I could be more pacific. 911: Cars are on their way."

"Happy Independence Day Except For Slaves Day!"