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Joke of the Day

"I invented a realistic sex simulator. It doesn't work on me because realistically nobody wants to have sex with me."

"Some grade school humor What's brown and sticky? * ** *** **** *** ** * A Stick!!"

"TIL I haven't actually been having conversations with my furniture... My toaster told me"

"My guidelines for whether or not to have sex with a female were the same as how I chose outdoor sports. If there was grass on the field, I played ball."

"What do you do if your lawnmower stops working? Deport him"

"Why are Jewish men circumcised? Because Jewish women won't go near anything that's not 20% off."

"Did you hear about the man with five keen senses? He still lacked common and horse!"

"My old dog What do you call a dog with no arms and no legs? Nothing. He wont come when you call."

"A friend confided in me about a peculiar birthmark on his butt. I told his secret to my friends for a laugh. I am Julian AssStrange."

"a Guy walks down an American street. He sees a policeman and wave. Later the same day the police explain to the press: ''It was self-defence, he had a gun in his hand somewhere''"