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Joke of the Day

"My old dog What do you call a dog with no arms and no legs? Nothing. He wont come when you call."

"ME: Excuse me...Where's the rowing boat equipment? EMPLOYEE: Keep going down there, Oar Aisle. ME: EMPLOYEE: ME: EMPLOYEE: ME: Or you'll what?"

"Me: *singing ""Don't stop believing""* Joe: What are you doing? Me: Practicing for Journey duty J: You mean Jury duty? M: No, it says...shit"

"I just purchased Big Foot repellant. Er, sorry, a camera."

"How is a blowjob like a lobster dinner? You have to leave the house to get a good one."

"I would've been an actor, but I was afraid of being cast as the idiot that throws his gun when he runs out of bullets."

"What does Michael J Fox do when his son parks in his space? He Park in son's space"

"If you trip over in public, a cool thing to do is break into a jog, leave the country, have plastic surgery and change your name."

"What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator!"

"I taught myself to stop using filler words like ""um"" [weather channel in the background] ""Chance of rain today is 40%"" Better grab my brella"