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Joke of the Day

"Having hearing problems? Turn down the volume on your porn. Problem solved!"

"Why would John F. Kennedy make a horrible boxer? Because he can't take a shot to the head."

"Forgets to set alarm, wakes up 3 days later."

"-That toaster oven looks worn out. Why are you still using it? -Sentimental attachment. -It just caught fire. -Aww, just like old times."

"*first astronaut lands on Mars* NASA: How does it feel son? Astronaut: Feels pretty good to be 33 million miles away from Dave Matthews Band"

"I was reading about two ships that collided at sea. One was carrying red paint and the other blue paint and all the sailors were marooned."

"Shoutout to the wife for stacking her shampoo bottles in the shower like she's on her last 3 turns on Jenga."

"Three words are having an argument... Had, Made, and Did were having a very heated argument. They became more and more agitated as the argument went on. It was beyond tense... It was past tense."

"What do pussy and cigarettes have in common? There's more flavor the closer you get to the butt."

"It's scary to think that people like you are graduating from college."