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Joke of the Day
"I forgot to wear my Halloween costume to work. I was gonna go as the Invisible Deaf Mute Man."
Next Joke
"Did anyone happen to DVR Twitter for me? I missed the last 3 weeks and I would like to fast forward through all the Justin Bieber parts."
"What's the difference between a picture of Jesus and Jesus? You only need one nail for the picture."
"How do you make a plumber cry? You murder his family."
"'Space Jam' never gets old - that's because in the sterile environment of space fruit preserves don't spoil. Hi, I'm Neil deGrasse Tyson."
"What's green and smells like Ms. Piggy? The Boston Celtics"
"Q: How does a blonde commit suicide? A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off."
"""People will believe anything if you whisper it."""
"Guy: so what u up to after this? Me: {remembering my friend said to be mysterious but quirky} probably eat a whole red onion in an alley"
"Everyone says I should sign up for a 401k but I don't think I can run that far."