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Joke of the Day

"I found a spider in my shoes. He looks ridiculous, they're way too big for him."

"I keep hearing ""Just be yourself"" from everyone. I didn't realize so many people want me to go to prison :("

"So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back... Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient."

"I think it's cute how my bankruptcy attorney thinks I'm going to pay him!"

"love Boyfreind "" Honey, your chest is so flat, but your hole is sooo tight"" girlfreind "" Get off my back!"""

"What happened to the Italian chef when he died? He *pasta way*."

"A falling battery killed a man today. It was charged with murder."

"THIS IS THE POLICE. COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP. ""Wrong house guys."" ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT? ""Yup, happens a lot."" OKAY COOL, SORRY."

"Why do elephants live in the jungle? Because it's out of the high rent district."

"My daughter may only be one year old today, but she retrieves beer from the fridge at a fourth grade level."