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Joke of the Day

"What's the best class in school if you want to be a doctor? Weight training, it gives you the most patients."

"A tourist asks a man in uniform ""Are you a policeman?"" ""No I am an undercover detective."" ""So why are you in uniform?"" ""Today is my day off."""

"What kind of secretary is the best secretary? One that never misses a period."

"My wife said she wanted to have sex like in the movies.. ..so I fucked her in the arse and came on her face and in her hair. I guess we don't watch the same movies."

"[Bookstore] Me: *hands over Tangled coloring book* Cashier: How old is your daughter? Me: [sweating nervously] Of course it is"

"If I was a serial killer my name would be ""The suspense"" So my victims would be like ""oh no, the suspense is killing me"" And then we would both laugh right before I kill them."

"Me: Gonna go see Gym. Friend: You mean go to the gym? Me: No, Gym is Geoff's brother."

"What do Bill Gates and the Pope have in common? They've both put their faith in the cloud."

"I found a stray cat. I looked at its collar and saw a phone number. I thought, ""No wonder your family disowned you, you fucking slut."""

"A hooker and a priest walk into a spaceship... It lasts for 1 season and a movie and everyone throws a fit when it won't come back."