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Joke of the Day

"My wife said she wanted to have sex like in the movies.. ..so I fucked her in the arse and came on her face and in her hair. I guess we don't watch the same movies."

"Paint thinner? Bullshit. Been painting myself with it all week. Still fat."

"Did you hear? Oxygen and Magnesium are dating. When I found out I was like OMg!"

"He told me I cut my steak like a serial killer, so I whispered ""What makes you think this is steak?"" While I stroked his thigh with a knife."

"Do you like dragons? I'll be dragon deez nuts across ya head shortly."

"What's long, hard, 6 inches, and makes the ladies scream when it's put in their mouth or up their vagina? A knife."

"What's grey stands in a river when it rains and doesn't get wet ? An elephant with an umbrella !"

"Don't give the homeless money. They'll just use it on sharpies and cardboard."

"r/jokes, please enlighten me. What are some of the most downright offensive White People jokes you know."

"I have a lot of clothes but I only wear like 5% and It looks like I have none and I refuse to wear the other 95% because I fucking look ugly in them."