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Joke of the Day

"Never threaten anyone. It spoils the surprise."

"I have a boat that beats all other boats in races... ... It's a champion ship."

"If you have a dollar.. you're a billionthaire."

"Numerators can recover the fastest from break-ups. They're always over it."

"I killed my wife because I heard mourning sex was so great."

"I think my girlfriend is starting to gain weight. She's starting to fit into my wife's clothes."

"The Seahawks were going to go to Disney World... but they decided to pass."

"A great tribute from the Brazil team to Neymar. He couldn't play so the rest of the players decided not to either."

"I don't trust this Obama guy... I think he lies a lot. First he says he's 52, and then the next year he's 53. Which one is it?"

"""If you're pregnant you can't get pregnant, the same goes for getting arrested, can you lick this?"" I ask, trying to roll a joint in cuffs."