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Joke of the Day

"""If you're pregnant you can't get pregnant, the same goes for getting arrested, can you lick this?"" I ask, trying to roll a joint in cuffs."

"If your'e anxious and you know it..... ...clasp your hands."

"We play GTA because it let's us do things we wouldn't even think about doing in real life... Like golf, tennis and yoga."

"i like my women like i like my coffee silent"

"Did you hear the one... about the blind prostitute? You really had to hand it to her."

"A family is at the table eating dinner. ""I don't like Grandpa"" said the boy to his Mom. ""That's okay honey, just finish your potatoes instead."" She replied."

"a fun thing to do if your wife leaves her fb open: post an argument you had but switch who said what and watch her friends agree with 'her'"

"What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter. He's not coming."

"[moses parts sea] Slaves: wow! Why we running away if u can do shit like that? Lets go back & claim the pyramids Moses: thats my only trick"

"Yo mamma so fat... When you download a picture of her at work, the IT department thinks they're under a DDoS attack."