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Joke of the Day

"I sat next to a hot girl on bus and thought: Please don't get an erection. Please don't get an erection. ... ... But she did. :<"

"I've become such a positive person recently, that I only wash my hair with Pantene Pro V bonafidepoo and proditioner."

"Julie: What time is it? Counsellor: Three o'clock. Julie: Ohno! Counsellor: What's the matter? Julie: I've been asking the time all day. And everybody gives me a different answer!"

"Going to McDonald's is like going to the strip club... At first you're pumped and excited on the idea then you leave feeling dirty and ashamed."

"Doctor Doctor I've lost my memory! When did this happen? When did what happen?"

"Things You Will Never See In A Fortune Cookie"

"I have a very nice joke about unemployment.. but it never works."

"I'm thinking of taking up animal hoarding. Where can I get 37 armadillos this time of night?"

"A man gets a $5 hooker a man gets a hooker for $5 and get crabs. the next day he goes back to her and tells her. she says "" what did you expect for $5, lobster?"""

"Autocorrect changed Italian to Taliban, so now I'm sure the NSA is super interested in my ricotta cheese."