68215

Joke of the Day

"The next time someone describes me as feisty, I'm going to stand in front of them and air punch rapidly like Scrappy Doo."

"Dating: *prances around in underwear and his t-shirt* Marriage: *Unzips footed unicorn onesie* Do you think this mole is cancer?"

"China and Russia are having a friendly discussion... Russia: ""I bet you couldn't kill that group of Buddhist monks over there"" China: ""Do you want Tibet?"""

"What did the fish say when it ran into the wall? Dam"

"When someone yells ""Fire!"" at my house, I'll be the first to leap from the toilet and fall flat on my face because my legs fell asleep"

"[Tim Burton tries baseball] COACH [rubs eyes]Got it now T: Yes C: Ok. Pitch T: A dark haunted tale starring Johnny De- C: I'm gonna kill him"

"My ex told me that I was gonna die alone... I told her she was wrong because I would die while making out with a shotgun."

"Maybe Aliens don't visit us because they're all women and they want us to make the first move."

"What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match."

"What would reunite the Beatles? 2 more bullets"