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Joke of the Day

"My parents are so poor.... If I dont wake up with a boner Christmas morning I'll have nothing to play with."

"I joke a lot, but in reality nothing can stop me from reaching my goals, except for shiny distractions or moderate discomfort."

"My girlfriend asked me to act like an animal in bed. So I peed on the pillow."

"There is a mathematical theory for good sex The heat of the meat is directly proportional to angle of the dangle given that the mass of the ass is constant."

"When a cop tells you to ""spread 'em"" he is not flirting. I know this now."

"What's the difference between boogers and broccoli? Kids don't eat broccoli."

"What did the hot dog say when it crossed the finish line? ""I'm a wiener!"""

"If you are ever cold. If you are ever cold, go to a corner. It's usually 90 degrees."

"Somebody once told me in the middle of a huge machine gun battle that I always emphasize the boring parts of anecdotes, which made me sad."

"If I ever get kidnapped, my plan is to just talk non-stop about Lost until they see that I'm very annoying, and they return me to safety."