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Joke of the Day

"What did the white collar executive say to the low-income disenfranchised youth? Nothing. Social dichotomy prevents the establishment of dialogue."

"Find someone who can make you happy, like a doctor or pharmacist....basically anyone who has access to mood-enhancing drugs."

"Why did the arborist plant new pine trees on their front lawn? To spruce things up a bit."

"Having kids is like getting a stupid tattoo... It takes most people a couple years to realize how bad they fucked up."

"When I'm at a friend's house & there are snacks, all I'm thinking is ""How do I eat everything without looking like a homeless person?"""

"In the style of Mitch Hedberg. I don't like fish eggs on my sushi... ...because I'm against abortion"

"What do stupid kids do at Halloween? They carve a face on an apple and go bobbing for pumpkins."

"The kids wanted the Zero Gravity Laser Racer, a toy car that follows a laser. I handed them a flashlight and pointed at the cat."

"In elementary I got all the chicks because my box of crayons had a built-in sharpener. Been on a dry spell ever since. Just me & my crayons."

"Now that Donald Trump having a real shot at the presidency, who is most afraid? Every Juan!"