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Joke of the Day

"Half my family is Catholic, the other half Jewish, so when the tweet contest theme is ""guilt"" I pretty much have it in the bag."

"We don't talk about the Duggar family in our house anymore. The subject is a bit too touchy."

"What has been in the news specifically because it comes in small boxes? Jared's penis"

"Movie joke: Sling Blade ""Two fellers was peein' off a bridge. One said the water's cold. Other the the water's deep.... I think one of 'em was from Arkansas mhmm."""

"How do astronomers plan a party? they planet."

"I have Restless Life Syndrome."

"Why do french people love to eat snails? Because they can't stand fast food"

"Want to see 45 years of wrinkles disappear in less than one minute? nsfw Rub my penis."

"My doctor said I shouldn't hug people, admittedly it was 10 years ago when I had the flu but I still use that one."

"What do you get if you cross Islam and Capitalism? v2 Allah's Snackbar."