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Joke of the Day

"You think we should see other people? I'm bipolar. I am other people."

"""There's no 'u' in 'favorite'"" - coach telling his British son that he prefers his American son"

"How does Kim Kardashian like her eggs? Over-Yeezy. ^forgive ^me"

"The difference between a Life Scout and an Eagle Scout. A Life Scout is ready for anything. The Eagle Scout is ready for Murphy's Law."

"I never point out when someone's zipper is down. I just zip it up for them."

"I tried to catch the fog earlier But I mist."

"Have you ever played the Oscar Pistorius drinking game? Every time your girlfriend goes to the bathroom you take 4 Shots."

"Just saw a guy using a payphone. I can only assume he's being told where to deliver the ransom money."

"What has two wings and a halo? A Chinese phone call."

"My friend would be alive today... if we knew the difference between antidote and anecdote. >""Am I going to live?"" >""I don't know."" >""Read faster!"""