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Joke of the Day

"Why do smart people wear glasses? Because as resolution goes down performance goes up. This is a little bad but...."

"I think my favorite MLK Day tradition is giving pans of ex-lax laced brownies to all the local racist organizations."

"""Just spread them open and shove your face in there."" - How to put on glasses."

"How do you catch a rabbit? You hide in a field and make carrot noises."

"When you say you don't feel good ""Are you pregnant?"" -people without kids ""Do you have to poop?"" -people with kids"

"Alcoholics don't run in my family... They stumble everywhere."

"A cheers for women's underwear... ...they might not be the best thing, but they are the closest thing to it"

"What does a hippie say when he runs out of weed? This music SUCKS!"

"Fact: In a survival situation, you can drink your own urine. Fortunately, my wi-fi came back on just as I was filling the cup."

"What did the fisherman do on his date? Netfish and krill"