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Joke of the Day

"I'm 5'5"" and a HALF. I think men should be pretty impressed that I consider half inches very important when measuring things."

"Just found this sub the other day and I've come to this realization... Currently, this subreddit seems to be in quite the pickle."

"What's the difference between a Pakistani school and a Pakistani outpost? I don't know, I just fly the drone... *(Please don't hate me)*"

"I wish someone knew exactly when the world is going to end so I can stop feeling guilty about all the littering I've been doing."

"Register for a new blender on your baby registry. It drowns out the crying and makes margaritas. You're welcome."

"Wayne Rooney said he wants to be a manager after he retires ""Burger King or McDonalds"" was his response when asked where."

"Everybody is tweeting ""OMG I CANT BELIEVE ITS MARCH"", I'm like tf' you you think came after February ? February Jr.?"

"What is Kylo Ren's favorite beverage? Supreme Liter Coke"

"What do you call a midget that does cocaine? A low blow"

"What's it called when you get a boner at a funeral? (NSFW) Mourning wood."