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Joke of the Day

"I wish someone knew exactly when the world is going to end so I can stop feeling guilty about all the littering I've been doing."

"What do all my friends and my dad have in common? i didnt have either growing up"

"What does a man eat when he cannot run off with his girlfriend? Cantaloupe"

"I bet Taylor Swift still believes in Santa Claus."

"How can you tell if a gay person is dead? Check pulse"

"I don't know how many girls it takes to change a lightbulb but I fucking guarantee you they'd post pictures of them doing it on Facebook."

"What do you call a deer with no eyes? Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes? A: No idee-er. (idea) Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? A: Still no idee-er."

"When someone looks at your baby pictures and jokingly says ""Aww you were so cute! What happened?"" Bitch, I got sexy, that's what happened."

"The most realistic part of Harry Potter is how he goes to a school where he learns skills he can't use in the real world."

"You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going."