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Joke of the Day

"You don't need to learn how to masturbate, It comes naturally."

"What's a Pirates worst nightmare? A sunken chest and no booty"

"My experience with organized crime was getting two friends to help me tip a vending machine while I reached up inside for chips."

"What can I get you to drink? ""Pepsi"" Is Peps- Uh one moment please [In kitchen, to manager] I don't know, he just said Pepsi. What do I do?"

"Some days it's little things, the tone of his voice or his words when we're alone, that help me realize I'd rather have the insurance money."

"If Women Ruled the World"

"How stupid of the elevator manufacturers they have buttons for the floor I am already on *I will show myself out now"

"I met a Muslim man who said he had the Qur'an on DVD. The trouble started when I asked him to burn a copy for me."

"""Follow your dreams!"" - someone born into money"

"I only do cocaine with the flexible straws. So I can reach my dashboard while i'm driving."