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Joke of the Day

"*tries for a year to brush and floss better* *goes to dentist* Dentist: Do you even own a toothbrush?"

"What's the worst part of having to break up with a Japanese girlfriend? you have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it"

"People say love is the best feeling in the world, but I think finding a toilet when you have diarrhea is better."

"Did you hear about the woman who tried to join ISIS? I heard jihad a bad time time."

"Took my wife away for our anniversary since it wasnt enough for her just to be married to God's gift to every female organism on the planet."

"*holding a rattlesnake in each hand* These are the angriest maracas I've ever played"

"A gang of witches broke into a blood bank last night and stole a thousand pints of blood. Police are still hunting for the clots."

"Don't shop when hungry. Don't date when horny. Don't update your status when drunk"

"Two parrots were sitting on a perch One says to the other, ""Something smells a bit fishy!"""

"What idiot called it kitchen worktop manufacture and not counter productive."