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Joke of the Day

"I can't believe I'm in class on Presidents' Day. This is an obamanation."

"Grandma's dementia has been really hard to deal with lately. And the worst of all is... ...She forgot about Dre."

"If you look long enough and hard enough you could make a lot of money doing porn."

"How many square feet of pizza can you eat? Trick question. Pizzas are round."

"I identified a body yesterday. ""That's a body!"" I said."

"I was furious when I found my wife's profile on an on-line dating website. That lying bitch isn't, ""Fun to be around."""

"I saved a ton of money on cool sports cars, vacation getaways and NFL season tickets by having children."

"taylor swift: oh my god look at that face you look like my next mistake me [with mouth full of like way too many Doritos]: what"

"I had my blood drawn today. The artist was very nice."

"Don't listen to anything your ex boyfriend says. He is always wrong. Unless he says you're spectacular and give good head, then, he is right"