67261

Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a dead baby and my ex-girlfriend? There isn't one..."

"Mother: Why did you just swallow the money I gave you? Son: Well you did say it was my lunch money!"

"I'm terrified of the day robots become self-aware and start wearing fedoras."

"This may sound arrogant but I think I could make a better Periodic Table."

"What do Jews get at night during the holocaust? Not z's"

"My psychic is a talented blind woman. She has a fifth sense."

"Rihanna's new clothes. Chris Brown is in the news again. At a popular club downtown he apparently got drunk and started shouting ""I'm gonna beat Rihanna till she's gold and white""."

"[son hands me a picture he painted] Me: what's this Son: it's our house Me: have you ever actually looked at our house"

"Thank God pets can't talk, they know too much."

"I was so thankful.... I couldn't thank my friend enough for getting me into fight club. ""Don't mention it!"", he said."