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Joke of the Day

"Thank God pets can't talk, they know too much."

"You guys know that there are things higher than kites, right?"

"Are people with googly eyes better at searching for stuff?"

"I saw the most unnecessary roundabout the other day... ...it was literally pointless"

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? I wouldn't pay $100 to have a lentil on my face."

"I don't think Princess Elsa would be a very good girlfriend, She seems frigid."

"Why did the Mexican throw his wife into the river? Tequila."

"If a guy spread rose petals all over my apartment, I would literally look at him and just be like: ""I'm not picking this up."""

"My proctologist gave me two thumbs up. Which I did not appreciate."

"An opening line when you're meeting her parents. I cut back on the alcohol because you should be able to trust a fart at 27."