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Joke of the Day

"I told my dad ""Look, I got a B in reading!"" He said ""That's a D you idiot."" -Rocky Laporte http://www.cc.com/video-clips/m25nl8/comedy-central-presents-birthday"

"When I asked my girlfriend what car she was going to buy... She said, ""I don't know. I just want something that gets me from A to B."" She's so stupid. No car is going to increase her cup size."

"Hello Darkness, my old frie- *the lights suddenly turn on* oh it's like that now?"

"Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor."

"I think Newton was actually hit by pigeon shit when he discovered gravity.. Falling of apple was just a 'dignified' cover up...!!"

"Shout out to my student loan for getting me through college. I don't know how I'll ever be able to repay you."

"Don't take a leaf out of my book I use leaves as bookmarks."

"A fun thing to yell at a magic show is ""BURN HIM, HE'S A WITCH"""

"I like my slaves like I like my coffee Strong and black"

"What do amputee bears and regular bears have in common? They both have four legs. (assuming the amputee is missing a different appendage)"