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Joke of the Day

"Shout out to my student loan for getting me through college. I don't know how I'll ever be able to repay you."

"I phoned my boss. I said, ""I'm calling in sick tomorrow."" ""But, how do you know you're going to be ill?"" he asked. I swear, sometimes he forgets that he works in a psychic shop."

"What does a two-headed cat say?? Weow!"

"How do you beat someone in an argument? Use your fists."

"Why can't you tell a joke in a cornfield? Because the stalks are all ears."

"Maced a hobo who started pulling cables out of my computer at work. Turned out to be the hipster IT guy and now I'm in HR again."

"Arnold Schwarzenegger has been talking about Carly Fiorina for years: ""Carly Fiorina needs water,"" ""Carly Fiorina is a great state,"" blah blah blah."

"boys love mysterious girls so don't be afraid to show up to dates with a shovel and a smear of fresh blood on your collar"

"The amount of new jokes on this sub is ridiculous today. Just wait 4 years and they will all be reposted."

"smh, I bought tickets to Disney on ice & it was just 2 hours of Donald Duck smoking crystal meth"