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Joke of the Day

"what would Arnold Schwarzenegger say if he was a member of Al Qaeda? GET TO THE VIRGINS"

"Why did the baker get smelly fingers? Because he needed a poo."

"the chinese food place by my work is dangerously close to being added to my 'never again' list after finding a human tooth in my food"

"Did you ever get two pieces of shocking news at once? I just found out my sister was diagnosed with testicular cancer."

"When God closes a door, He opens a window. God does not give a shit about your electric bill."

"how do I keep my skin looking so young? it's all thanks to [turns to camera smiling] an ancient curse [locusts pour from my mouth & eyes]"

"A black man with a parrot on his shoulder walk into a bar... The bartender asks ""Where did you get him?"" The parrot said ""Africa"""

"i had a dream a policeman came into my apartment and gave me a field sobriety test and i failed and went to jail"

"Which joke is better? How many tickles does it take to tickle an *inbred* octopus? Ten tickles. How many tickles does it take to tickle an octopus? Ten tickles."

"What did one lesbian vampire say to another? See you next month."